I’m not going to say The Exemplary Husband is the best book I have ever read.  But after I read it I gave my copy away and bought eight more.

I thought it would be a good book, based on the fact that Paul Washer said in a sermon that everyone needed to read it.  I have come to become very grateful for teachers like Paul Washer, and I was not disappointed by this recommendation.  The Exemplary Husband: a Biblical Perspective by Stuart Scott is an excellent book about what the bible says about being a husband.  Most books tend to look at practical ways to be a good husband.  That is good and helpful, but if you don’t have the foundational doctrines as to why you should act in that way, then you are really just trying to “be good” (and often for the wrong selfish reasons).  We are called as husbands to love our wives as Christ loves the church.  But how?  How do we love our wives as Christ loves the church?  More importantly, why are we to do it?  Is it just a nice thing to do?  Or does it go much deeper than that?

The biblical expectations of a husband are clear in the bible, but in our society many of the passages pertaining to the relationship of man and wife are distorted.  We have the wrong view of what is expected of a man, what is expected of a woman, and then try to pick out the verses that best suit our needs.  This book helps to address this by taking a systematic approach to what the bible says about Christians, God, Husbands, and Wives.

He starts with the basic of the basics of Christianity.  In it he proceeds to lie down the foundations in a concise and straight-forward manner.  Scott starts by describing who God is and how He describes Himself in the bible.   He addresses what the bible says about the trinity and God’s attributes; man’s condition and God’s provision for them and the relationship God provides for us with Him and within the family.  And that’s just the first section.

He also looks at the responsibilities of the husband.  Why and how we worship and love God.  What leadership means as it pertains to a godly husband, what our biblical role for physical intimacy is, and what the bible says about stewardship of our time and money.  I found the section on leadership to be especially helpful, because most of what we hear about when it pertains to leadership in the family is through the filter of the world.  My upbringing taught me to be an incredibly passive man, and it truly helped me to understand what I must do to lead my family. It is not a book about how to be a leader who commands all to bow before him, but teaches men to be servant leaders to their families.

He continues with a discussion of the “fundamental commitments” of an exemplary husband, exploring how vital humility is in our relationships with our wives.  Also addressing what it means to be sensitive, how to help your wife deal with sin, communication, and resolving conflicts.  We are not to be Caesars over our families, we are to be loving and humble servants.

The last section is about “fatal sins” of an exemplary husband, and shows how we cannot let anger, fear, anxiety, or lust get in the way of our role as godly leaders of our homes.

Each step of the way, Dr. Scott takes care to address view that are incorrect.  He addresses various wrong views of God and wrong views of man’s condition.  He takes into account that while we may have the best intention when we look at how to be a good husband, we may not, and we may be confused on the topic because of how our society views the marriage relationship.  An excellent example is in his chapter on “Helping His Wife Deal With Her Sin” he makes it very clear that the husband must take care to look at his own sin first, while pointing out that not helping your wife with her sin is, in fact,  sinful.

I learned greatly from this book, and it has helped me to put many things that

I knew I should be working on and understanding the perspective as to why I should act as a Christian.  Each page of the book gave me a peaceful relief as I read.  Nearly every day I would go to my wife and tell her what I learned from it, or ask her questions prompted by the book.  By reading this book, you will understand man’s role in marriage and the biblical perspectives behind it.  This will not only serve to strengthen your marriage, but all of your relationships, including your children, other christians, non-believers and with God.  It lies down the foundations so that someone who is new to the faith will gain an understanding of Christianity and the man’s role in his day-to-day life, and thorough enough that a mature believer will be challenged.  It could be looked at as the systematic theology of a husband’s role in marriage.

Dr. Scott mentions that his The Exemplary Husband and The Excellent Wife by Martha Pearce are companion books.  I will trust that her book would be a good source for wives as well.  I highly recommend this to all men- those who are struggling in their marriage, those with a solid marriage, or those who think someday they might get married.