It has been 5 grueling days since we got the boys. They both have issues and problems-they have both lived a life of rejection and learned survival among others who have also been rejected. I have no doubt the staff at the orphanage/baby home were very nice to them, but I also have no doubt they did not give them the attention needed to make them into functioning members of society.
Benjamin’s Progess
So let’s start with Benjamin. Benjamin has been the problem so long. I have referred to his problems repeatedly, and he has caused us much grief. But we have learned greatly over the last two days, and the little boy is beginning-just beginning-to emerge. So far we have only been able to see a series of bad behaviors. But we have learned how to discipline him. We tried several things, and finally found something he hates. 🙂 And it is beginning to work. We spend every waking moment redirecting him, but he is beginning to trust us more, and understand us. Today he began playing better. He still doesn’t know how to play with toys appropriately, but his playing is actually playing and not just throwing toys at Nathan. Rather than redirecting him non-stop, he is understanding what things are inappropriate and what things are not to be touched. He only touched the computer once today (as opposed to yesterday when he touched it probably a dozen times). He only touched the TV… let’s say five times, which is better than yesterday’s countless times. He bit nobody today. He did not hurt anyone today. He had a great conversation with Nathan (about what we don’t know, we can only imagine, though). He sat through two Thomas the Tank Engine Storybooks, and Shannon taught him to count to eight. He is starting to repeat words in English as well. After lunch he even said, “I’m finished!” (I didn’t catch that-Shannon pointed it out. “Did you hear that?” she asked. I had to think about it, but wow, that is really impressive). He really acted like a little boy all day today. I think on the first day I mentioned he acted more like a feral dog than a little boy, and I am very serious when I say it. But I have also described the changes he made. Honestly, they day we picked him up he went outside to play, we came and got him straight from the playground, put him in the car while Irina told the director that we had him, and he was gone. He said goodbye to nobody. He had never met us before. An entirely new life, instantly. Today he let us touch him more, and even let me tickle him just a little bit. He really likes to help with things. Make no doubt we have a very very long way to go, but it was better.
Nathan’s Day
Nathan had issues today. He has a lot of anger. Fortunately, he is too weak to cause any damage. He fought and fought against me today, and lost every bit. He took a lot of frustration out… against my index finger. Literally. He tried to squeeze, pull, bite, but it never caused any damage. (He didn’t bite, he only tried). He is so physically frail. He is four years old yet weighs about the same as our rat terrier. Granted we have a fat rat terrier, but he’s four years old! He could pass for a two year old! But that will change quickly. He has a big appetite, and we have food. He will grow and grow strong. His issues today revolved around nap time. Why they fight naptime so badly I do not understand, but wow do they ever fight. It didn’t help that he got into trouble right before nap time. It actually took him longer to get nap started (Ben only took 1 hour and 15 minutes. Only, haha). He is continuing to learn. We had a great conversation about language today. He would tell me the name of something, and I would tell him the English word, then he would repeat it a few times. It was going good until we got to the pillow.
“Shto eta?” I asked.
“Eta paduska.”
“Good,” I said, tapping it. “Pillow.”
“Nyet, paduska.”
“Yes, but it is a pillow.”
“Nyet, it is a paduska!”
So he is starting to mix some English and Russian together. I would say he’s got about 15-20 words and Ben has about 5-10 words (which may be better if he remembers the numbers).
Names
They are responding to their new names very well. If I call Nathan, Nathan responds. If I call Benjamin, Benjamin responds. We still call them by their old names a bit (which are their middle names) but they understand the new ones, too. As for my name, I honestly do not want to be called “Papa.” I want to be Daddy. I will be Papa for as long as they need to call me that, because they don’t have a reference to the word Daddy. But then, they don’t really have a reference for what Daddy or Papa really are, so it shouldn’t be too much of a problem.
Food
Our biggest issue today was over food. They fought all day, but what two four year old boys confined to a little hotel room wouldn’t? They acted very normal today. But they had some serious issues over snack time before bed. Nate dropped some food, and Ben picked it up-being a helper. But Nathan freaked out, because he thought he was trying to get his food. But he wasn’t. They kept going back and forth. Finally we separated them. At one point Nathan pushed his away-showing out in a temper tantrum-and so I did what I always do when presented with this sort of temper tantrum. If you push something away in anger, I will take it away. (Sam used to do the same thing). And he freaked out again. So food is a very serious issue. Tonight they were running and playing and Benjamin spotted a chip under the chair. It was the most pitiful thing I think I have ever seen. He literally dove for it, squatted down and ate it with both hands just in case someone else might try to claim it. It was so horribly sad. As for the food issues, they still were kind of arguing back and forth and Shannon said, “I know how to end this. Ho’chesh budium koopatsah?” Koopatsah is the four-year-old-Russian equivalent of winning the powerball. A koopatsah is a bath, and I have never seen two children get so excited about bath time. They run and tell each other that it is time, yelling “KOOPATSAH!!!!” I’ll have to talk more about Koopatsah later.
Choosing Battles
We have also chosen to choose battles. Hurting someone is serious trouble. Not sharing is trouble. Throwing things inappropriately, touching things you have been told not to touch, spitting… all trouble. But other things we let slide. Spit your water into your cup and drink it… we’ll get back to that one. We’ve made enough changes, we’ll get to some things later!
Arbat Street, Again
We woke today to a very dreary Moscow morning. It was chilly and rainy. But there is no way we can stay in this hotel and keep our sanity, so we ventured out down Arbat Street again. Our main goal: Starbucks. There are two, about 2 blocks apart. We had a good walk. Arbat Street is an old street closed off to auto traffic. It was very quiet on Sunday morning, so we strolled along, got a couple of
souvenirs among the many shops and just hung out. Yay strollers! We had lunch at Sbarro on Arbat, and just a generally decent time. Both boys really love their strollers. LOVE THEM. They get excited when I get them down out of the closet to go out!
I can honestly say, this day was enjoyable. We have a very long way to go, and we will certainly have setbacks, but we are so thankful for the progress made.
Prayer Requests
Prayer requests now, continue to be for our growth in God. Today was another exceptional day of prayer and relying on Him. Yes it was a very hard day, but it was also a good day. There is such a mix of emotions going on, but today was the first day we felt rested. We all slept all night, and I am typing this not falling asleep over the keyboard like I have been. I have been posting really the minimal because I was just too tired to do anything else. Mostly our requests are the same. That the boys would continue to grow in their trust. They still are very unsure of us. They still don’t really like us. We still don’t love them like our own children, but like I mentioned before, we are determined that we will! But we are all growing closer to one another. There has been improvement there. But if we left tomorrow, and a new couple came to be Mama and Papa would they really care? I don’t know that they would. We haven’t bonded yet, but we are getting there. Shannon and Nathan aren’t feeling that well. They both are having prob
lems with sinus drainage and just feeling under the weather. Nate had a little bit of a fever, but we have found Claritin for mom, Zyrtec for Nate, and Ibuprofen for Ben’s teeth and Nate’s fever. Please pray that our health would be good for the rest of the trip, and that we would get through each day. We are very homesick-we miss our kids, our house, our ability to communicate with everyone we come into contact with, our dogs. We are just stuck here. Also pray for our trip to the US Embassy tomorrow. I’m not sure what to expect from it! Our meeting is at 2pm Mosc ow Time (5am Cape Time). That is right in the middle of nap time, so we may have troubles tomorrow night!
It has been a rough and tedious first nine days with the boys, but for most of it we have been traveling across the planet or parked in a hotel room. Those circumstances aren’t all that pleasant without two little children who just got everything in their life changed by two people who can’t actually talk to them. But we know it can’t get worse! (Ha ha).
Moscow, this was not bad at all. We got up, they had some breakfast, and over the next hour and a half, Sam and Erin trickled in. The boys played most of the morning, with Sam and Erin being the studious and helpful and nice big brother and sister. Later in the morning we played outside, which was great. Have t
hey ever played in a big yard before? They had a swing all to themselves, we kicked a Spiderman ball around the yard. And Sam did, too. He really enjoyed spending time with me.
too small, but because a worker was assigned to them to do it. They learned to feed themselves because nobody was there to do it for them. I have say, it is just overwhelming to think of. They don’t know the difference between a cat and a guinea pig. They don’t know how to be loved. And the realization that God has called us to bring these two boys-specifically these two boys-to our home to learn all of this about them… it seems almost too much.
The Nelson Chronicles 