Husband and Wife and Jesus and Bride

05 Tuesday Apr 2011

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Background-Why I’m Posting This

I have been teaching through Ephesians on Sunday mornings at our church.  Last week we had a family who wasn’t able to be with us, and so to just get this out there for them I want to post it.  It’s a great study and a great topic, so I thought others might benefit from thinking about these things as well.  And let’s face it… it’s my blog.  So here you are: Ephesians 5:25-33, our lesson from Sovereign Grace Baptist Church for April 3, 2011.

Location in the Text

Before we jump into any particular text in scripture, we first want to look at CONTEXT.  This is vital for us to correctly understand scripture.  The book of Ephesians was written by Paul to the church at Ephesus, a church body with whom he spent 3 years (Acts 20:31).  Because it was written to a new Testament church, we can take what it says and more-or-less apply it directly to our lives today.  We look at this book as being written to a mature church, as opposed to the books to the Corinthians where they were acting very immaturely.  This particular text comes following a description of what it looks like to walk in Christ.  In Ephesians 5:21 he says that we are to submit to one another within the church “in reverence for Christ,” then begins examining specific roles.  We are all Christians, but some of us are wives or husbands, or children, or slaves.  So he describes what we do in those areas.  It’s pretty simple… in concept.  Submit, Lead, Obey, Concede.  Simple in concept but certainly not simple to live out.  But the rule is to follow Christ, and trust in His divine providence in our day-to-day lives.

Duality in Description

We have here in verses 5:22-33 is Paul describing not just one thing but two.  Two relationships.  Each thought can be read and applied both to the relationship between Husband and Wife as well as Christ and Church.  We will explore this as we go through the section.  I think he does this because we have an idea of what those two relationships look like, and looking at them both at the same time through the same piece of text, we see that they both reflect one another.  We get a fuller understanding of both by looking at them both as parallels.

Love is a Command

Verse 5:25 tells us, “Husbands love your wives.”  That’s pretty simple.  A command.  Love your wives.  First, notice what is lacking here.  No matter how hard you try, you will not find a conditional statement.  Not “Love your wives if she treats you with respect.”  Not “Love your wives if they submit to you like I told them to back in verse 22.”  No, just a “love your wives.”  This is regardless of whether the wife deserves to be loved or not.  There is an important reason for this, which we will get to shortly.

Paul tells us how husbands are to love their wives when he says, “Just as Christ loved the church.”   We see that a husband’s love for his wife is not just so that the husband can feel good about himself.  When we apply Christ’s example as our filter of love, we begin to see that this is a very deep and devoted love.  An unconditional love.

Sanctifying and Cleansing

He continues in his description of the love of Christ for the church and the love of husband for wife: “just as he gave himself up for her so that he may sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word.”  When we read this, we may try to read it as a command to husbands, and  then a description of Christ and the Church.  But let’s look at it closely.
We know Christ gave himself up for the church, but what does this mean for the husband?  Our first thought of this is, “Jesus died for the church, so we should be willing to die for our wives.”  I have heard that many times.  And most husbands have no problem with this concept.  This is true, but again, Jesus did more than just die for the church.  He gave Himself up for her.  God the Son humbled himself to come to Earth, live as a man, to be killed by those he came to save, and suffer the wrath of God.  So how did Jesus give himself up for the church?  What did he give?

He gave Himself.

His gift wasn’t wisdom or money-wait- let’s make that present tense.  His gift isn’t wisdom or money (no! it is not money!) his gift is Himself. This was a life-and-death devotion to the church.  So as we read this, we see that the husband should give himself up for his wife- as a matter of daily sacrifice.  Husbands are not to live for themselves, as Christians but for others  (v21) and especially for wives (v24).  This is sacrificial love. Christ is our example.
Now, is the husband to sanctify her and cleanse her?  Yes.  Husbands are not saviors, but husbands, looking at Jesus as the example, are to set their wives apart.  They are to be the protectors physically, spiritually, doctrinally, and emotionally.  Husbands are to be the Spiritual leaders of their homes.  Setting their wives apart through the word of Christ.
Now, why did Christ do this-giving himself up for and cleansing his bride?

To present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that she would be HOLY and BLAMELESS.  This is, on one hand, positional.  The church does not deserve to be called Holy or Blameless. (Remember what I said about loving regardless of whether she deserves love?)  Nor does the church, as we see it, always act holy and blameless.  But those who have been forgiven much, love much.  And through that love, the church grows more holy as its individual members are sanctified.  We see here, though, that the purpose of the church is CHRIST’S GLORY.

Not ours.

We have so much man centered teaching running amok through American evangelicalism (note: I didn’t say “churches” for a reason) that we often believe the gospel is just that “Jesus wants to make your pitiful (or awesome) life happy (or more awesomely happy).”  But Jesus’ purpose for your life is not your personal happiness, but your personal holiness.  And being refined from a sinner to a saint isn’t always happy.  In fact, it usually hurts.  A lot.  We shouldn’t think that something referred to as a “refining fire” is going to be a pain-free experience.  Yet there is joy from the comfort gained as we learn to trust God.

So on one hand we see this is a positional holiness- this is through Christ’s work and God views us as Holy and Blameless.  But we also see that he sees us as holy and blameless because we have been cleansed and have no spot or wrinkle or any such thing before God.

Now-I said that the church does not deserve to be called Holy or Blameless.  The church doesn’t deserve to be loved by Christ; it is by his grace.  Likewise wives do not always deserve to be loved.  Yet husbands are to love them.  Period.  [Note, the same applies to why wives obey verse 5:22 regardless of whether husbands deserve that as well].

Nourishing and Cherishing the Flesh

Now, we bring our attention to husbands in verse 27, which starts  starts with “so”.    “So”, that is, “Because of this- Jesus’ work and example”, “so husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies.”  Instructions for the husband.  And the description of what it looks like.  “No one every hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it.”   So husbands are to care for, nourish, and shelter- think of how one takes care of his own flesh and see this is how a husband is to care for his wife. Comparing the wife to the husband’s body.  That’s pretty profound.  But not nearly as profound as the next statement:
“Just as Christ does the church.”

Do you understand this?

Do you understand who Christ is?  The One who was and is and is to come?  Who’s name is above all other names in heaven or on earth?  And how does he care for the church?  AS HIS OWN BODY.  And who is his body?  We-the church-are members of His body.

Now, if we have the wrong view of man… we won’t quite get the power of this statement.  If we think we humans are basically good and Jesus died to make our lives complete, then looking at the statement “and we are members of His body” is likely to get an appreciation, but nothing that is necessarily going to cause us to weep bitterly for days over sin.  However if we view humans as not basically good, but evil- born in in sin, having nothing good in us, having hearts of stone, and the walking-dead in our transgressions… then to look at this as a people who despite the lack of good in them were resurrected with Christ, given hearts of flesh, forgiven for our transgressions through the payment of our wages of death by the One who’s name is above all names and see what we have been given-adoption as sons, members of the body of Christ-then we will look at this statement as the most profound statement that shall ever fall upon our ears.
We see then in verses 5:31 and 5:32 that the mystery of Christ and the church is revealed through marriage. God could have made marriage look a hundred million different ways.  Yet he chose this.  A man shall leave his father and mother and the two shall become one flesh.  We, the church, are one flesh with Christ.

And finally, in verse 33, back to us: Husbands- love your wives.  Wives respect your husbands.  Because marriages are a reflection of Jesus and His bride.

Our marriages do not exist for our own personal happiness.

Our marriages exist for our own personal holiness.

Our marriages exist to show the world that Christ is Lord.

So, as I think John Piper would say… don’t waste your marriage.

Dealing with Adoption Difficulties

29 Tuesday Mar 2011

Posted by in Adoption, Family

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I want to post a bit about what kind of help we have gotten with our adoption.  Not the help we got when preparing to adopt, but how we have dealt with some of the difficulties after the court date with two scared little boys.   Because even though adoption is awesome and fulfilling and fun and enjoyable, it is also difficult.  We hear tragic stories of international adoption with deaths and being sent back to the orphanage.  Yet these are extremely rare- and reported worldwide-while the tens of thousands of other families are living out their lives unnoticed.

Parenting is difficult, but there are unique things that go with adopting preschoolers.  We have two kids already, we thought we had seen it all.

We had seen it all.  At least, almost all.  Almost every problem that the boys deal with we have seen in our other children, just in a more mild form.  The difference is that when our other children were four, we had dealt with them step by step over the course of four years. Many of the problems the boys have now were addressed before the other two could even sit up. Now we have four years of life that have happened and all the habits and opinions and coping mechanisms and ways to get attention in a world of neglect that go with it.  (I say neglect because even the best orphanage is still… an orphanage.)  Either way, both had become Masters of Manipulation (on the level of grand master ninja), though in different ways.  One’s style is sort of Big Eyed Sad Lost Puppy Dog.  The other one’s style is more like Squeaky Wheel Hamster Fueled by Much Caffeine.

Many of the struggles we dealt with were over language. My how seven months months change things! Ben is speaking pretty clearly- still some problems, but for the most part Russian is gone save for a few words. Nathan is not speaking pretty clearly, and most times we have no idea what he’s saying, or even if he’s really saying anything at all- BUT it is improving.  Surprisingly we had few problems with idioms.  I learned the problem with speaking in idioms when I was giving my testimony in Lithuania during a mission trip.  Nobody could translate that I “broke my habits.”  All of the translators stopped and said, “did what?”  So I should have known that saying that we would “break him” of  some of his behaviors might cause problems.  We never considered the reaction when he realized that we throw away broken toys!

You’ll notice that through this post I will tend to refer to a singular boy.  That is because one boy has given us far more difficulty, so when I say “boy” and not “boys” I mean it that way.  And I want to point out that what we experienced was not what every adopted child’s family faces.  (If both children were both like the other, less um, “behaviorally disoriented,” this would have been a far easier journey.  On the other hand if they both would have been like the difficult child… well, God knows what we can handle and we’ll leave it at that. Which is of course where we are supposed to leave it!)

As I mentioned in my last post, the biggest issue faced was not being bonded.  This is something that everyone in adoption deals with-and more so with older kids.  But beyond that was us not viewing them beyond their behaviors.  It’s hard to NOT look beyond the behaviors because it is all that you see in them at first, but the behavior that they come with is not really reflective of the boy that is really there.  What we have found through trial and error and advice and sometimes tears is that behind these walls they have built- so that nobody can come in and hurt them anymore- there is a very sweet little boy.

Help One: Godly Counsel

We certainly weren’t the only ones to adopt, and we weren’t the only ones to have any troubles.  So we found two couples who gave us great encouragement.  We got reassurance when we thought things were Not Right but were.  We were corrected when things were not right when we thought they were.  So if you are adopting, seek others who have been through it.  For the most part you will get honest and helpful information.  Don’t try to live and seek advice solely through the internet.  Blogs and facebook feeds tend to be deceptively happy.  Look at this blog.  Most of what you read about is fun times and pictures full of smiles.  But don’t think that is all there is.

Many people came to us during this time and told us how great is was that we were doing this, and how great we were.  And the whole time I only could think, ‘You have no idea what I’m thinking right now!’  Neither of us found the first 4 months to be an enjoyable experience.  And the biggest struggle was that we didn’t love them. You may think, “How could you not love them!  They’re so adorable!  You spent so much time preparing for them!  They are just poor innocent little kids who have been turned away!”  And I would say Yes, that’s why this is so hard. Why shouldn’t we love them, especially when we are called to love our enemies?  If I can’t love a little orphan boy, surely I can’t love an enemy!

It turns out, these feelings are not all that uncommon.  In fact, one of the first bits of advice my wife got from someone in Vladivostok who knew what was going on by the look of despair on Shannon’s face said, “It’s okay to not like them.”  We discussed this with others who have been through the experience, and they said that they felt the same way in the beginning.  And they always got through it to the point of love.

As we now have as well.

But the internal struggle of our relationship with them and with God was the most difficult part of this.

They Respond to Us

If you are adopting, I highly recommend a book by Karen Purvis called The Connected Child.  It has been a tremendous help to us.  The biggest thing we were doing wrong is that we were treating them like we treat our own children.  But we couldn’t do that just yet.  They have to realize that we are Mom and Dad.  Most importantly that there is safety here.  So raising our voices didn’t help, in fact, it was more like throwing gasoline on the fire.  When we realized this, and what the boys had been through, and remembering at all times no matter what or who was bitten or what was broken or who was screaming that we must remain calm.  Once we began that, we had an entirely different child.  This mass bundle of horrible behaviors began to melt away and we began to find the real little boy beneath.

We Aren’t Alone in This, Part I

Don’t be afraid to ask!  We knew that we were having troubles, and we are ones who tend to not be afraid to ask for help.  So we went to our doctor, to the social worker, to other families for more advice and info.  We ended up going to the International Adoption Clinic at St. Louis Children’s Hospital to see if there was anything else we could to.  We learned quite a bit, had good conversations and got some good advice from them.  The greatest thing was when we were told, “It sounds like you are just the right family for him.  You are doing everything you can to meet his needs.”  I say that not to brag, but to say that we never felt like we were “just the right family” for him for most of this time.   But whenever we despaired we remembered, this is what God had led us to do.

If you have not yet read the book Adopted for Life by Russell Moore, please do so.  That’s not for those who are adopting, this is for anyone who reads.  He does a great job of describing the church’s role in adoption.  Not just the children and parents involved, but everyone.  And shows a wonderful view of adoption in the light of the gospel.  Tim Challies (a master book reviewer) said that it was one of the best books he read in 2009.

We Aren’t Alone in This, Part II

At every moment of despair, I would remind myself that God is sovereign.  He knew from before time that these two boys would become ours.  As we were enjoying our happy little lives and they were living theirs in the hell of permanent institutions, He knew that they would be coming to us.  The world is full of orphans.  (Think California’s big?  For every Californian, there are roughly four orphans out there.)  So out of all of these millions of children, he chose Ben and Nate to come to us.  He chose me to be their father.

Through this we have learned to rely on God.  Saying we believe in him is entirely different than believing.  Thinking we trust in Him is entirely different than trusting in Him.  And it takes a trial of refining fire to realize this.  So despite the hardships we were never without hope.  When things seemed hopeless (and there were many points of apparent hopelessness in this) we remembered that God is in charge.  We trust in Him, and follow Him.  And everything will work out.  (Rom 8:28).   Just as “A bruised reed shall he not break, and smoking flax he shall not quench,” (Isa 55:1) so “we need bruising so that reeds may know themselves to be reeds, and not oaks,” as Richards Sibbes has stated so well.  And through these trials we have come to know ourselves better in the view of Christ’s holiness, grace and mercy.

That’s what this entire journey of life is all about.

Six Months as a Family

25 Friday Mar 2011

Posted by in Adoption, Christmas, Family

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Brothers with SissyFirst of all, my other two kids didn’t learn English nearly as quickly as these two did.  We won’t say that the boys have a thorough command just yet, but they understand about 80-95% of what we say (depending on the boy), and we understand 20-80% of what they say.  Both boys are very different, so one is speaking English-we think- and the other is speaking rather well.  Both are doing Very Well for just being introduced to it 6 months ago.

What this post will do is give you a plain ol’ family update.  The next time I post I will discuss some of the problems and places we have gotten help.

So how have the last 6 months gone?  Very difficult.  But very worth it.  Things are getting better each week.  But before you think, "Oh, I’m just not cut out for adopting because it’s so hard," let’s look at all the information.  I certainly don’t want to discourage anyone from adoption!  But I don’t want to pretend like everything is perfect and happy, too.  Nothing in life is perfect and happy, at least not all the time.  Plus, while not everyone has the same struggles that we have had, I know that some do.  I know this because every problem we have faced we have come across someone who has told us, or read a book or article about similar problems. (Yet I find blog after blog of people with happy perfect experiences, with nary a tear.  And I can only think "they must be lying!".  But the reality is, I think we started out with more problems than average.)

It does get better.  Just as I was typing this paragraph I told the kids (our four and the neighbors’ four) that we’d pay $5 each to pick up all the gumballs out of our yard, and all eight of them are happily raking, and filling buckets, and whistling while they work!

I can’t believe it’s been 4 months since I posted!  I had planned on posting each month, giving little updates, and a few pictures.  But then all these other things got in the way and you can see just how fruitful that plan turned out to be.  So let’s take a look back at some of those moments.  We’ll stick to mostly fun things in this post.

The Big Daddy of Events: Christmas

Christmas at ChurchIt may be odd to post Christmas pictures in March, but of our three Christmas celebrations, we actually celebrated one in March.  The boys were not ready for a Big Trip to my parents house in December.  So we waited.

Christmas at our house (which we did celebrate in December) was honestly like none we had experienced.  We enjoyed it thoroughly, even if the boys didn’t know what to make of it.  And while they had never gotten so many gifts before, they played with them for a short while and left them in their closet or floor to play with the cardboard boxes just like the other kids did.  Partly, they don’t know how to play with toys.  Ben does pretty good, but Nathan turns everything (whether a toy or not) into either a steering wheel or a windshield wiper.  (Every lego, car, popcicle stick, bottle cap…“Look!  I drivfing” or “I cleaning!”).  (And the toys that don’t involve "drivfing" or "cleaning" he just doesn’t play with.)  On January 3rd my facebook post was: “The kids had lots of fun opening their Christmas presents, but right now they are playing with a rope tied to an Easter basket and a marble.”Happily Bewildered-Ben with a few of his presents

We had family over at our house, and the presents and the food (“Noga food!” Nathan kept saying) kept coming.  It was far more than they could have ever fathomed, let alone actually experience.

We weren’t sure how well Christmas would go.  We had made a lot of progress, but about the week before we started having more and more “problems”.  It was one of those discouraging moments that we went through several times.  Things seemed to be going so well, we felt like we were beginning to bond with them, then it was like we lost them.  We had one of those moments of losing one of them right before Christmas.  Yet, in retrospect it worked out for the better.  Because through the struggles and animosity, bonding occurred.

Christmas Eve and Christmas and Christmas in March were very fun.  They both had struggles with being overly stimulated, but all-in-all they did pretty well.  But things were different with each.  One of the boys enjoyed getting presents, opening them, and the clothes and toys that he got.  The other of the boys was so looking forward to opening presents, that opening presents was sort of the big moment.  And he couldn’t enjoy it for all the anticipation.

But for the family as a whole, it was so great.  The four of us spent the Christmas before (2009) wondering what it would be like to have two more little boys.  We knew things would be different, but it was really more rewarding than we had imagined.

The Big TripAll the Cousins

A couple of weeks ago, we went and visited my family for Christmas in March.  My parents and brother had visited before that, but we hadn’t been to Pekin in almost two years.  (Note: Pekin didn’t change) (Ooh, except Avanti’s.)  We didn’t go because we were saving every bit of money we could and took three trips to Russia, well, you probably can see why.  Also, we’ll say this was their first Big Trip.  Visiting Moscow for a week… we won’t count that one.

The trip went shockingly smooth.  It wasn’t without flaw.  My family is Very Loud, and the boys can’t handle that.  (Imagine living in a nice, quiet, neutrally colored environment for your entire life and then be taken out all of the sudden).  Loud noises, wind, driving on the highway; all are rough for them.  But this trip overall was good.  Excitement was through the roof, and there were problems calming down each night.  That’s normal for all kids, but a bit more exaggerated in our case.

The boys got to meet their cousins who they kept talking about.  But their talk was about someone who they didn’t know, based on a picture on the refrigerator.  Actually meeting them was much better.  They also got to meet Uncle and Aunt and Great Grandma.  Plus the presents.

Some threats just don’t work

We tell our kids logical things, like, “If you can’t keep your toys picked up we’ll have to just give them away.”  Not to be mean cruel parents, but because really, if you have so many toys that they can’t be kept behind a closet door or in a toy box then there really are too many.  But it loses its motivational factor when you say it  and one responds. “We can give them to my groupa?”

Daily Walks

"Look at me jumping"I work an odd schedule, but when I’m off I would take the boys to the park.  All winter long.  The rule was, as long as the temperature is above 20 degrees and the windchill isn’t in the single digits, we would go to the park.  And they loved it.  My main motivational point was to get Mommy some Unmommy time, and to get them to take a nap.  Because on those walks I became very good at getting them worn out without wearing myself out.  Plus, it got us some time together for bonding.  And they got to play on cool playground equipment, throw things on the ice in the park, pretend they were "drivfing" on the big pile of wood.  Yeah, it was really great.   Now, with the advent of spring we have spent more time out on the trampoline.  Another great way to wear them out.

There is so much more I could say!  But I will close it there, and I promise to post before six more months.  (I already have the next one written, in fact.  I’ll be posting it soon!)  But I want to close with thanks to everyone for all of your prayers.  I hear from many of you that you like reading about our experiences, so thanks for keeping up with us.  It’s been a long journey, and we have a long way to go.

 

Sissy sporting her new Christmas PJs (we have a serious affinity for footies in our house)

Sissy & PJs

 

Nafe in the Snow.

Nafe in the Snow

 

Our First Family Picture (Taken by Sue Belcher)

Family Portrait

Two Months and Going Strong!

25 Thursday Nov 2010

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Two months already? And a productive two months it’s been, too.Brand New Blankets!

I can’t say that each day gets better, but I can say with all confidence that each week gets better. Shannon does an amazing job with the boys during the weeks that I work (and during those weeks I am around very little). Each week they learn just a little more English, and we understand them just a little bit better. They, for the most part, understand us pretty well.

Overall, they are acting like normal little 3 year old boys. (Yes, they are technically four, but they have a LOT of catching up to do!) We are trying to introduce them to things little by little. Both respond to things very differently. Ben has some trouble with stimulation. He doesn’t do all that well with going places (like the grocery store or Wal-mart), but he is doing better. Nate does pretty well and has none of those problems, although he did think that he could talk to Ben while we were watching a video on the computer- but we will get him there!

We are all still learning. We try to put all four kids together and essentially leave them to themselves when we can. Mama and Papa get lots of bonding time with the boys all day long, but the kids need to bond with each other, too. Right now the two older kids and the two younger kids will go separate ways.

Family Pumpkins

Halloween
Halloween was really fun. We didn’t do much-they dressed up and went to a few houses around our house. But at that first door when they rang the doorbell, and people gave “confietta,” it was obviously one of the most amazing things that had ever happened to them. The looks on their faces were just priceless. Learning that we can only have “some” candy vs. “all” the candy that night did cause problems, but I’m okay with that.  We have dealt with that behavior many times over the past 9 1/2 years.  Our clan was looking good with Cleopatra, Mario, “Scoody Boo,” a duck (the duck costume has gone through three Halloweens now!), Mama, and the Papa the cameraman following behind.

(More after the pics…)

"Ya Scoody Boo!!"

Eta Duck!

Carving Pumpkins

Duck, Cleopatra, Mario (actual mustache), Scoody Boo

Well-Being
The boys are growing. A lot. Every little kid grows at this age, but I really think they have puA Stronger Little Boyt on some much needed weight. Nathan, who’s strength was more like an infant-literally– when we brought him home, is growing stronger and stronger. (The trampoline is helping greatly!)  His body weight has increased 17 percent since he has arrived in our home. We wonder: Did he EVER eat? Or is it just that we are working with him and finding things he likes?  Ben is getting stronger and putting on weight, too. Both of their hair is growing more. Their hair was very sickly when we got them; it literally was peach fuzzy like a newborn child’s, not a four year old. But with enough good fruits and veggies (and chicken nuggets and hot dogs) we’re coming along quite well.

So is everything great? Of course not. We still have many issues to work through. We have issues with selfishness (don’t we all), and now we have added lying into the mix. For the record, though, Ben shares better than any child I have ever seen.The Siblings

One Month

21 Thursday Oct 2010

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And go figure, I missed the one-month mark!  It just blew by, so here’s the update of being at home fSam trying his karate moves on Benor a whole month.
Things are getting better each day (well most days).  At first we would have a good day, followed by a couple of bad days, then we worked our way up to a couple of good days followed by a bad day.  Now we don’t really have too many bad days.  (Hooray!)  We may have a bad morning at times, but overall, everyone is beginning to settle in.  The boys are beginning to realize that they have boundaries and they simply don’t move.  They learned that they will get in trouble in the car just like they get in trouble in the house.  And they get their hands held and hugged at the store, just like at home, too!  And the boundaries with the dog, well, still working on that one.

The Most Peaceful Time in the HouseSo far, we have been “cocooning”.  We are deliberately staying at home as  much as possible.  The neighbors, which some weeks are permanent fixtures in our home, have purposely been not visiting.  We want to set ourselves apart-Mom, Dad, Sissy, and Brothers-so that the boys get to know us, and see us as family.  They don’t have a reference to that (and the little reference they do have, if they are able to remember the experience, was Not Good).
Their freedom has increased.  At first we couldn’t let them out of our sight, but now they can go downstairs alone.  It does lead to problems at times (Nathan got bitten yesterday for no apparent reason we can figure out) but overall they are pretty good.

Ben enjoying his 4th birthday
Language is improving.  We are a very Eng-russky house right now.  Everyone who comes comments about how we’ve learned Russian, which is true only a little bit.  (A very little bit).  We learned the important words, like “come here”, “sit down”, “no”, “stop it”, “don’t bite”, “bath,” “eat”, and a few others.  The boys are growing in their vocabulary as well, mixing languages completely effectively with descriptive body language so that we usually know what they are talking about.  They may say, “ya budium jump” because they want to jump on the trampoline.  Words they are learning really well are words that they don’t know in Russian.  We have been going through a great book called “First 1000 Words in Russian,” and I’m having the boys tell me what the words are.  It’s almost like having them read to me!  Unfortunately, they don’t know many words that most 4 year olds know.  All things that crawl are “Pyooks,” which is the Russian word for spider.  Nathan did not know the word for piano, trumpet, or knife.  He knew what they were, but not what they are called.  Nor do they have a word to describe “Scooby Doo costume” or “duck costume” but they do now!  (We know what they’re going to be for Halloween!)

The KidsWe have taken small trips to church.  We haven’t taken them to worship time just yet, but we plan to in a couple of weeks.  We have brought them to our fellowship meal, which we have each week, so they are getting to know others in our church body.  We have also taken them to places around town for small trips: to the store, the doctor, the dentist.  One of their favorite parts of the day is piling into the mommy bus with Heidi the big dog (referred to as “balshire cebaka”) to take brother and sister to school (and pick them up at the end of the day).

At the Pumpkin Patch. He was terrified of the tractor, this was the only picture that he doesn't look freaked out.Last weekend we went on our first family outing together.  We went to the Begg’s pumpkin patch, a family farm not too far from us where you can ride in the back of a tractor and pick your own pumpkins (along with mazes and a big slide and animals to feed- way fun).  Everyone had a great time; we did have some mixed results afterward with being overly stimulated, but we are beginning to recognize warning signs and causes for the bad behaviors.  I was amazed yesterday as my wife described what would happen to Ben after she gave him some M&Ms.  He was in super-hyperactive mode, and she said, “in about 15 minutes he’ll be totally calm.”  And he was.  So she really does a much better job of recognizing their behaviors than I do.

All in all, we are making advances.  The boys we have today are not the same boys we had in Moscow.  They are happy, joking, playful boys.  But for the record, I can’t wait until I don’t have to hear Russian any more. 

Mom, Kids, Pumpkins