Tag Archives: Adoption

Adoption Update

07 Sunday Feb 2010

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When I started this blog, I thought I would update it periodically.  Like weekly.  Or every couple of weeks, but no.  It’s been over a month?  And so much has been going on!  It’s been a little more than 8 months since we made our official decision to adopt, and we’ve come a long way since then.  We still have a long way to go, but we are realizing we are further along in the process than we really had thought.

Our home was finalized at the beginning of December, and from there we were able to submit our application to CIS (Citizenship and Immigration Services), and then sent our application to register with Russia at the end of December.

We registered in the Vladivostok region of Russia.  We had sort of envisioned something closer to Europe.  Vladivostok is on the Sea of Japan!

In mid January we got the email we were waiting for.  (Isn’t e-mail great?)  We received word that there were two boys who met our criteria.  We got to see names, pictures, and a basic medical report.  After much prayer, and discussion with our pediatrician, and more prayer, we chose to pursue those two boys.

We have made our reservations for Russia.  Our trip is less than three weeks away.  On one hand it is incredibly exciting.  It will be the first time since 2003 I will have traveled on a plane with my wife.  As much as I enjoyed my church trips to California, Europe, and Mexico… I would rather travel with her than anyone any day. (Sorry, Mr. Mike!)  I have been learning a little bit of Russian through Rosetta Stone, so if anyone asks me a multiple choice question about apples or “keys in a shoe”, I’m golden.  I’m hoping to get to phrases like, “Don’t touch that”, or “Stop doing that”, or “The street is a bad place to  hang out.”
But as for our trip, while on one hand it is exciting, on the other it is nerve-wracking.  So many questions that we can’t answer yet.  Traveling on an 8+ hour flight from Moscow to Vladivostok without knowing the language.  Waiting for Visa approval.  Paying a lot of money and finding out where it will come from.  Wondering what the boys will really be like.

Adoption is a very emotional process, but I tend to fight emotions, and usually do my bests not to show them.  (Much to the dismay of those giving me Christmas presents!)  I just don’t want to be emotionally attached to these two boys yet, because I can’t put aside the fact that there is a small possibility that we can’t adopt them.  What if there is a medical problem that means we can’t do it?  (I don’t know exactly what that would be, but we have two children already, so there are some things that wouldn’t be best for our family).  So many what ifs.  What if they really aren’t ours?  But I remember that God is good.  God is in control.  God has moved us to do this.  I know it will be okay, and everything will work according to His good purpose.  Even if one or both of these boys is destined for another family.  I know that.  But I still want to distance myself.  I don’t want to get excited yet, because I don’t want to get disappointed.  And I am doing my best.  We have names picked out.  I have shared the photos with my family.  I am really truly excited.

In the meantime, we are trying to prepare our family.  We have several people on the lookout for furniture (if you know anyone that as a toddler bed or a chest of drawers they want to get rid of, send me a message!)  We are considering how we should set up bedrooms.  A master bedroom plus three more bedrooms is easy when there’s four of you, but when there is six, then changes may need to happen.

Erin, our 8 year old was born with a perpetual fear of anything that is not Erin.  Getting her to do anything new is a feat, because her imagination just goes overtime.  She always sleeps with her lights on.  So convincing her that it would be best in our 4 bedroom house that it would be best for her to move to the downstairs bedroom.  Right now it’s the playroom, and painted green and purple with a dark blue ceiling (and glow in the dark starts to boot).  It would mean “being downstairs” when in reality that room is no further than where she is now.  But the realization that down there she would have her own bathroom has finally begun to sink in.  I think she may make the switch.

Sam, who turned 5 this week, has some different views.  He no longer wants to name one “Leo”, and now realizes that when the mailman brings a package, it does not contain the children.  Although last week he insisted that “the children are going to be made” and will “come in cubes.”   So there is some confusion, but he really likes the idea of being a big brother.  There is no confusion about that.

Why Adoption?

09 Wednesday Sep 2009

Posted by in Adoption, Christianity

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Why are we adopting?  There are many reasons.  I want to explain some of them to help some who don’t understand why we would do such a thing and to share with those who love the thought of it. 

First, a quick update on the process for those who have been following our saga.  We have all paperwork completed for the home study.  We now will wait for our home study visit.  We are also beginning to work on paperwork for our dossier to send to Russia and complete the required education.  Our prayer request is that funds continue to work out.  So far our checking account has only decreased by $6 despite the amount we’ve spent or preparing to spend.  (Check out Shannon’s blog for more about that).  We are also trying to determine if we should take our kids with us when we travel to Russia.

Most who we have encountered have been extremely supportive about our decision to adopt, but some are not.  Some think it is an absolutely wonderful thing that we would consider adoption.  Some think we are insane for bringing in more children to our home when we already have “a perfect family.”  Most do not truly understand that someone may want to adopt a child for the sake of adopting a child.  Most people- I include my past self in this- believe adoption is only something that someone does if they aren’t able to have their “own” children.   So why would someone who already has biological children want to add more? 

First, I am a Christian.  There are some important things about adoption and Christianity.  If you are a Christian you are adopted.  Adoption is inseparable from the gospel of Jesus Christ.

  •  1 Now I say that the heir, as long as he is a child, does not differ at all from a slave, though he is master of all, 2 but is under guardians and stewards until the time appointed by the father. 3 Even so we, when we were children, were in bondage under the elements of the world. 4 But when the fullness of the time had come, God sent forth His Son, born of a woman, born under the law, 5 to redeem those who were under the law, that we might receive the adoption as sons. 6 And because you are sons, God has sent forth the Spirit of His Son into your hearts, crying out, “Abba, Father!” (Galatians 4:1-6, New King James Version)
  • 4 just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before Him in love, 5 having predestined us to adoption as sons by Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the good pleasure of His will, 6 to the praise of the glory of His grace, by which He made us accepted in the Beloved.
    (Ephesians 1:4-6, New King James Version)
  • 15 “If you love Me, keep My commandments. 16 And I will pray the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may abide with you forever— 17 the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees Him nor knows Him; but you know Him, for He dwells with you and will be in you. 18 I will not leave you orphans; I will come to you. (John 14:15-18, New King James Version)

Another reason is that I am a Christian.  (Wait, wasn’t that the first reason? yes, keep reading).  As Christians God gives us tasks He wants us to do, and we must follow through.  We usually say, “God called me to do this,” but I want to explain how I know God has called me to do this.  It’s an easy phase to throw around, but what does it really mean?  Let’s face it, in our pluralistic society anybody can say anything and claim it as being God’s will.  And most accept it without another thought, but many then proceed to use that as an excuse to disregard God.  After all, those who flew airplanes into office buildings claim they were following the will of God.  So, a bit of background to explain from where I am coming from.  I believe that the Holy Bible is the Word of God.  The bible was written by men through the inspiration of God (see 2 Tim 3:17).   In the original language it is inerrant.  It is sufficient to answer all questions God wishes to reveal to us.  Read this next part very carefully:  God loves communication and has many ways to give us information.  He may communicate with us through dreams, teachers, friends, nature, or any other way.  We must be exceedingly cautious that when we think God is communicating with us that it does not contradict scripture.   If we think God is trying to tell us something, we pray about it, we read His word, and we obtain counsel from godly men and women. 

God began to work on me a long time ago.  I mentioned in an earlier post that between May and August we had chosen to adopt, but our decision did not start there.  I knew that when Sam was born in 2005 that I did not want Shannon pregnant again.  I wasn’t sure if I wanted more children. In fact, I told people emphatically that two was enough.  We had our boy and a girl, our perfect family, and our plans that we had lain down before we were married had been carried out.  Yet I couldn’t shake the thought of more kids.  Yet I pushed it from my mind.  I decided it was my wife’s decision because she would be the one who would be doing the most work, at least in the beginning.  She would be the one to stay with them through the day.  We did not want to and decided that was the plan.  Occasionally I would bring up the subject and ask her if she still did not want to, and the answer was always, “not even a chance.”

I began to pray more earnestly about it in April & May of this year.  My prayer was, “God, please reveal to me if this is your plan for us.  Please let me know if this is what you want us to do.”  I told Shannon that if we were going to adopt, we should act now because we were running out of time.   Our children are at the perfect age and we are at a really good age.  Our finances are in order with student loans almost completed.   I am fortunate to make a really good salary.  She was shocked because she had been thinking the same thing.  It was time.  We began to move forward. 

Two things I want to point out about this.  First, why did I even pray?  It was something moving within me that made me want to know if it was something I should do.  Second, Shannon was already thinking very seriously about it, and when I approached her this time she almost broke down because she was praying the same things. 

The third reason is that I am a Christian. (See a pattern?)  I will explain in a future post, but something happened in 2008 that changed my life.  No longer do I desire to have a really big sprawling house, or a nicer car, or a condo down on the gulf coast.  I began then to look at the big picture, not as a selfish individual, but as just an insignificant wave in the ocean of humanity as life is being played out.  For me to keep the amount of money I make and waste in on myself is just too selfish for me to continue.  I can no longer squander the resources with which I have been blessed.

In the beginning, I had doubts if this is something we should do.  But as I was questioning my decision, I began to think that there were children in an orphanage somewhere without a family.  The idea that the children we will adopt are already waiting was too much to ignore.  That thought has shifted again.  It is no longer that “there are children in an orphanage” but that my children are in an orphanage.   Right now.  Please, God, speed this process.

Adoption

15 Saturday Aug 2009

Posted by in Adoption

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Yeah, I’m pretty sure nobody read my last blog post, but that’s okay.  You can find it here.  Quite a bit has gone on since my last post.  Huge, massive changes that will change our lives significantly.  So I thought I would post.  I am motivated by the fact that my wife now has a blog.  She told me tonight that she’s had one for almost a week, but forgot to tell me.  I would be less surprised if she had said that the minivan exploded while I was at work and she had forgotten to tell me.  So if she is going to do it, then I can surely write, especially when writing thing is one my favorite pastimes. 

I discussed last time about how much I loved being a Dad.  About the time that I posted that entry I started praying-in ernest- about adoption.  It is an idea that had been rolling around in my mind for a very long time.  But I put it off.  I would mention it to my wife every once in awhile, but I was doing that pathetic-excuse-for-a-husband-thing and waiting for her to make a decision.  I’ve done that before, which was, in my own feeble way, an attempt to protect her.  After all, she would be doing a great deal of the work, so if she wanted to do it, she should just be the one to decide.  Right?  Um… no.  I’ve made this mistake before, like wanting her to stay home from work, but never telling her.  She is, after all, a pharmacist and I didn’t want her to give up her career.  But she cared more about our children than her own career and chose to stay home.  If I had only said something sooner, I would have done a much better job of protecting her, but instead I just said nothing.  But that is past, and I am learning how best to be a godly husband, and I think I’m getting better at it.

So, after fervent prayer, lots of advice, and a good deal of reading we have chosen to adopt!  We have two children already, but our lives need a couple more.  There are many reasons we have chosen to do this, and I think I will break down some reasons why in future posts.  I want to mention a book I am reading by Russell D. Moore called Adopted for Life which has done nothing but strengthen my decision.  If you have stumbled here because you are interested in adoption, I suggest taking a look at what he has to say.

We are just at the beginning stages.  We still have a long journey to go, and I can see why so many people say it is a journey.  So far our journey has included:

  • Deciding to pray about adoption
  • Deciding to adopt
  • Deciding to adopt two children (preferably twins)
  • Deciding to adopt from Russia
  • Finding an agency
  • Applying to the agency (We were approved)
  • Finding an agency to do our home study
  • Applying for approval to get a home study (That’s an application to apply for a home study application). (We were approved).
  • Getting things notarized

And now we are in the process of home study.  So far we’ve gotten four things notarized, and I suspect we have about 2% of our noterized items completed. (I say that jokingly, but only a little bit…) 

If you read this, please pray that things will go smoothly.  So far everything has fallen into place, except for how we are going to pay for it.  I’m going to keep it short, so I won’t elaborate how we are stepping out into faith with paying for the entire thing, but let me say… things are falling into place in ways we couldn’t have foreseen.  The homestudy fees have been taken care of.  We didn’t see it coming.  It was not a gift from another person, it is something that just worked out with perfect timing.  I have a lot more to discuss, but more later!

And I promise it won’t be three months to my next post!