Background-Why I’m Posting This

I have been teaching through Ephesians on Sunday mornings at our church.  Last week we had a family who wasn’t able to be with us, and so to just get this out there for them I want to post it.  It’s a great study and a great topic, so I thought others might benefit from thinking about these things as well.  And let’s face it… it’s my blog.  So here you are: Ephesians 5:25-33, our lesson from Sovereign Grace Baptist Church for April 3, 2011.

Location in the Text

Before we jump into any particular text in scripture, we first want to look at CONTEXT.  This is vital for us to correctly understand scripture.  The book of Ephesians was written by Paul to the church at Ephesus, a church body with whom he spent 3 years (Acts 20:31).  Because it was written to a new Testament church, we can take what it says and more-or-less apply it directly to our lives today.  We look at this book as being written to a mature church, as opposed to the books to the Corinthians where they were acting very immaturely.  This particular text comes following a description of what it looks like to walk in Christ.  In Ephesians 5:21 he says that we are to submit to one another within the church “in reverence for Christ,” then begins examining specific roles.  We are all Christians, but some of us are wives or husbands, or children, or slaves.  So he describes what we do in those areas.  It’s pretty simple… in concept.  Submit, Lead, Obey, Concede.  Simple in concept but certainly not simple to live out.  But the rule is to follow Christ, and trust in His divine providence in our day-to-day lives.

Duality in Description

We have here in verses 5:22-33 is Paul describing not just one thing but two.  Two relationships.  Each thought can be read and applied both to the relationship between Husband and Wife as well as Christ and Church.  We will explore this as we go through the section.  I think he does this because we have an idea of what those two relationships look like, and looking at them both at the same time through the same piece of text, we see that they both reflect one another.  We get a fuller understanding of both by looking at them both as parallels.

Love is a Command

Verse 5:25 tells us, “Husbands love your wives.”  That’s pretty simple.  A command.  Love your wives.  First, notice what is lacking here.  No matter how hard you try, you will not find a conditional statement.  Not “Love your wives if she treats you with respect.”  Not “Love your wives if they submit to you like I told them to back in verse 22.”  No, just a “love your wives.”  This is regardless of whether the wife deserves to be loved or not.  There is an important reason for this, which we will get to shortly.

Paul tells us how husbands are to love their wives when he says, “Just as Christ loved the church.”   We see that a husband’s love for his wife is not just so that the husband can feel good about himself.  When we apply Christ’s example as our filter of love, we begin to see that this is a very deep and devoted love.  An unconditional love.

Sanctifying and Cleansing

He continues in his description of the love of Christ for the church and the love of husband for wife: “just as he gave himself up for her so that he may sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word.”  When we read this, we may try to read it as a command to husbands, and  then a description of Christ and the Church.  But let’s look at it closely.
We know Christ gave himself up for the church, but what does this mean for the husband?  Our first thought of this is, “Jesus died for the church, so we should be willing to die for our wives.”  I have heard that many times.  And most husbands have no problem with this concept.  This is true, but again, Jesus did more than just die for the church.  He gave Himself up for her.  God the Son humbled himself to come to Earth, live as a man, to be killed by those he came to save, and suffer the wrath of God.  So how did Jesus give himself up for the church?  What did he give?

He gave Himself.

His gift wasn’t wisdom or money-wait- let’s make that present tense.  His gift isn’t wisdom or money (no! it is not money!) his gift is Himself. This was a life-and-death devotion to the church.  So as we read this, we see that the husband should give himself up for his wife- as a matter of daily sacrifice.  Husbands are not to live for themselves, as Christians but for others  (v21) and especially for wives (v24).  This is sacrificial love. Christ is our example.
Now, is the husband to sanctify her and cleanse her?  Yes.  Husbands are not saviors, but husbands, looking at Jesus as the example, are to set their wives apart.  They are to be the protectors physically, spiritually, doctrinally, and emotionally.  Husbands are to be the Spiritual leaders of their homes.  Setting their wives apart through the word of Christ.
Now, why did Christ do this-giving himself up for and cleansing his bride?

To present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that she would be HOLY and BLAMELESS.  This is, on one hand, positional.  The church does not deserve to be called Holy or Blameless. (Remember what I said about loving regardless of whether she deserves love?)  Nor does the church, as we see it, always act holy and blameless.  But those who have been forgiven much, love much.  And through that love, the church grows more holy as its individual members are sanctified.  We see here, though, that the purpose of the church is CHRIST’S GLORY.

Not ours.

We have so much man centered teaching running amok through American evangelicalism (note: I didn’t say “churches” for a reason) that we often believe the gospel is just that “Jesus wants to make your pitiful (or awesome) life happy (or more awesomely happy).”  But Jesus’ purpose for your life is not your personal happiness, but your personal holiness.  And being refined from a sinner to a saint isn’t always happy.  In fact, it usually hurts.  A lot.  We shouldn’t think that something referred to as a “refining fire” is going to be a pain-free experience.  Yet there is joy from the comfort gained as we learn to trust God.

So on one hand we see this is a positional holiness- this is through Christ’s work and God views us as Holy and Blameless.  But we also see that he sees us as holy and blameless because we have been cleansed and have no spot or wrinkle or any such thing before God.

Now-I said that the church does not deserve to be called Holy or Blameless.  The church doesn’t deserve to be loved by Christ; it is by his grace.  Likewise wives do not always deserve to be loved.  Yet husbands are to love them.  Period.  [Note, the same applies to why wives obey verse 5:22 regardless of whether husbands deserve that as well].

Nourishing and Cherishing the Flesh

Now, we bring our attention to husbands in verse 27, which starts  starts with “so”.    “So”, that is, “Because of this- Jesus’ work and example”, “so husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies.”  Instructions for the husband.  And the description of what it looks like.  “No one every hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it.”   So husbands are to care for, nourish, and shelter- think of how one takes care of his own flesh and see this is how a husband is to care for his wife. Comparing the wife to the husband’s body.  That’s pretty profound.  But not nearly as profound as the next statement:
“Just as Christ does the church.”

Do you understand this?

Do you understand who Christ is?  The One who was and is and is to come?  Who’s name is above all other names in heaven or on earth?  And how does he care for the church?  AS HIS OWN BODY.  And who is his body?  We-the church-are members of His body.

Now, if we have the wrong view of man… we won’t quite get the power of this statement.  If we think we humans are basically good and Jesus died to make our lives complete, then looking at the statement “and we are members of His body” is likely to get an appreciation, but nothing that is necessarily going to cause us to weep bitterly for days over sin.  However if we view humans as not basically good, but evil- born in in sin, having nothing good in us, having hearts of stone, and the walking-dead in our transgressions… then to look at this as a people who despite the lack of good in them were resurrected with Christ, given hearts of flesh, forgiven for our transgressions through the payment of our wages of death by the One who’s name is above all names and see what we have been given-adoption as sons, members of the body of Christ-then we will look at this statement as the most profound statement that shall ever fall upon our ears.
We see then in verses 5:31 and 5:32 that the mystery of Christ and the church is revealed through marriage. God could have made marriage look a hundred million different ways.  Yet he chose this.  A man shall leave his father and mother and the two shall become one flesh.  We, the church, are one flesh with Christ.

And finally, in verse 33, back to us: Husbands- love your wives.  Wives respect your husbands.  Because marriages are a reflection of Jesus and His bride.

Our marriages do not exist for our own personal happiness.

Our marriages exist for our own personal holiness.

Our marriages exist to show the world that Christ is Lord.

So, as I think John Piper would say… don’t waste your marriage.