First of all, my other two kids didn’t learn English nearly as quickly as these two did.  We won’t say that the boys have a thorough command just yet, but they understand about 80-95% of what we say (depending on the boy), and we understand 20-80% of what they say.  Both boys are very different, so one is speaking English-we think- and the other is speaking rather well.  Both are doing Very Well for just being introduced to it 6 months ago.

What this post will do is give you a plain ol’ family update.  The next time I post I will discuss some of the problems and places we have gotten help.

So how have the last 6 months gone?  Very difficult.  But very worth it.  Things are getting better each week.  But before you think, "Oh, I’m just not cut out for adopting because it’s so hard," let’s look at all the information.  I certainly don’t want to discourage anyone from adoption!  But I don’t want to pretend like everything is perfect and happy, too.  Nothing in life is perfect and happy, at least not all the time.  Plus, while not everyone has the same struggles that we have had, I know that some do.  I know this because every problem we have faced we have come across someone who has told us, or read a book or article about similar problems. (Yet I find blog after blog of people with happy perfect experiences, with nary a tear.  And I can only think "they must be lying!".  But the reality is, I think we started out with more problems than average.)

It does get better.  Just as I was typing this paragraph I told the kids (our four and the neighbors’ four) that we’d pay $5 each to pick up all the gumballs out of our yard, and all eight of them are happily raking, and filling buckets, and whistling while they work!

I can’t believe it’s been 4 months since I posted!  I had planned on posting each month, giving little updates, and a few pictures.  But then all these other things got in the way and you can see just how fruitful that plan turned out to be.  So let’s take a look back at some of those moments.  We’ll stick to mostly fun things in this post.

The Big Daddy of Events: Christmas

It may be odd to post Christmas pictures in March, but of our three Christmas celebrations, we actually celebrated one in March.  The boys were not ready for a Big Trip to my parents house in December.  So we waited.

Christmas at our house (which we did celebrate in December) was honestly like none we had experienced.  We enjoyed it thoroughly, even if the boys didn’t know what to make of it.  And while they had never gotten so many gifts before, they played with them for a short while and left them in their closet or floor to play with the cardboard boxes just like the other kids did.  Partly, they don’t know how to play with toys.  Ben does pretty good, but Nathan turns everything (whether a toy or not) into either a steering wheel or a windshield wiper.  (Every lego, car, popcicle stick, bottle cap…“Look!  I drivfing” or “I cleaning!”).  (And the toys that don’t involve "drivfing" or "cleaning" he just doesn’t play with.)  On January 3rd my facebook post was: “The kids had lots of fun opening their Christmas presents, but right now they are playing with a rope tied to an Easter basket and a marble.”

We had family over at our house, and the presents and the food (“Noga food!” Nathan kept saying) kept coming.  It was far more than they could have ever fathomed, let alone actually experience.

We weren’t sure how well Christmas would go.  We had made a lot of progress, but about the week before we started having more and more “problems”.  It was one of those discouraging moments that we went through several times.  Things seemed to be going so well, we felt like we were beginning to bond with them, then it was like we lost them.  We had one of those moments of losing one of them right before Christmas.  Yet, in retrospect it worked out for the better.  Because through the struggles and animosity, bonding occurred.

Christmas Eve and Christmas and Christmas in March were very fun.  They both had struggles with being overly stimulated, but all-in-all they did pretty well.  But things were different with each.  One of the boys enjoyed getting presents, opening them, and the clothes and toys that he got.  The other of the boys was so looking forward to opening presents, that opening presents was sort of the big moment.  And he couldn’t enjoy it for all the anticipation.

But for the family as a whole, it was so great.  The four of us spent the Christmas before (2009) wondering what it would be like to have two more little boys.  We knew things would be different, but it was really more rewarding than we had imagined.

The Big Trip

A couple of weeks ago, we went and visited my family for Christmas in March.  My parents and brother had visited before that, but we hadn’t been to Pekin in almost two years.  (Note: Pekin didn’t change) (Ooh, except Avanti’s.)  We didn’t go because we were saving every bit of money we could and took three trips to Russia, well, you probably can see why.  Also, we’ll say this was their first Big Trip.  Visiting Moscow for a week… we won’t count that one.

The trip went shockingly smooth.  It wasn’t without flaw.  My family is Very Loud, and the boys can’t handle that.  (Imagine living in a nice, quiet, neutrally colored environment for your entire life and then be taken out all of the sudden).  Loud noises, wind, driving on the highway; all are rough for them.  But this trip overall was good.  Excitement was through the roof, and there were problems calming down each night.  That’s normal for all kids, but a bit more exaggerated in our case.

The boys got to meet their cousins who they kept talking about.  But their talk was about someone who they didn’t know, based on a picture on the refrigerator.  Actually meeting them was much better.  They also got to meet Uncle and Aunt and Great Grandma.  Plus the presents.

Some threats just don’t work

We tell our kids logical things, like, “If you can’t keep your toys picked up we’ll have to just give them away.”  Not to be mean cruel parents, but because really, if you have so many toys that they can’t be kept behind a closet door or in a toy box then there really are too many.  But it loses its motivational factor when you say it  and one responds. “We can give them to my groupa?”

Daily Walks

I work an odd schedule, but when I’m off I would take the boys to the park.  All winter long.  The rule was, as long as the temperature is above 20 degrees and the windchill isn’t in the single digits, we would go to the park.  And they loved it.  My main motivational point was to get Mommy some Unmommy time, and to get them to take a nap.  Because on those walks I became very good at getting them worn out without wearing myself out.  Plus, it got us some time together for bonding.  And they got to play on cool playground equipment, throw things on the ice in the park, pretend they were "drivfing" on the big pile of wood.  Yeah, it was really great.   Now, with the advent of spring we have spent more time out on the trampoline.  Another great way to wear them out.

There is so much more I could say!  But I will close it there, and I promise to post before six more months.  (I already have the next one written, in fact.  I’ll be posting it soon!)  But I want to close with thanks to everyone for all of your prayers.  I hear from many of you that you like reading about our experiences, so thanks for keeping up with us.  It’s been a long journey, and we have a long way to go.

 

Sissy sporting her new Christmas PJs (we have a serious affinity for footies in our house)

 

Nafe in the Snow.

 

Our First Family Picture (Taken by Sue Belcher)